I didn't realize how long it had been since my last real journal entry. I'm sure no one that used to read this still would, but no matter, I feel like updating anyway.

To make a VERY long story short, David and I had a baby, Phoebe Jean (whose picture is in my gallery a few times), and while it was an accident, she is of course the best thing that has ever happened to me. We lived in a couple different apartments, but unfortunately, David left us a month and a half before her first birthday. He never really gave me a reason why, and the truth is I don't think he actually had one. My theory is that he was just bored, and hated having to be accountable to me (he likes to be free to come and go as he pleases without letting anyone know, and I couldn't stand it--he didn't realize you have responsibilities when you have a family). Yes, I was definitely miserable for quite a while, had to go on anti-depressants just to focus in school, but I made it through. I even got honors that semester. It was a good thing I had already taken a semester of general-ed classes before he left, so it was easier for me to get financial aid. I decided to major in automotive, but I still have my dream of acting, and I definitely still plan on making that dream come true. Anyway, Phoebe and I have lived with my mom since then, and this apartment is so crowded it drives me crazy, but I'm extremely grateful to my mom for helping us out. She's my best friend, and a WONDERFUL grandmother. Also, my brother and his fiance had a baby a month after I did, so we both have little girls who are so much like sisters they fight over everything.

I mostly just went to school for the second and third semesters, not doing much else, and I was pretty much anti-social the entire time. A barely ever saw friends, and I felt more comfortable at home anyway. A few guys asked me out and/or hit on me in different classes, and I thought it was mostly because I felt so dead emotionally/romantically that I just found no interest in any guy I knew whatsoever. But when I looked back on it later, I realized it was because I was just simply not attracted to any of them, and wouldn't have been regardless of my romantic past.

Then, during my last semester of my automotive major, there he was. He said I was in a couple of his classes the semester before but he had dropped them. He asked me a few questions, and talked to me more than necessary, and I shyly avoided eye contact with him, mostly because I just thought he'd be another guy that was going to hit on me all semester and make me uncomfortable, and I would hold no attraction towards him whatsoever. I was wrong.

A little ways into the semester, we started talking to each other more, I started poking him regularly (as I do with people I'm relatively comfortable with), and flirting was inevitable. I very quickly started getting butterflies around him and couldn't wait to see him at school. I told one of my friends I wanted to jump this guy in the elevator. But nothing really came of it all semester. He told me I was pretty several times, even told me that he had a crush on me (to which I replied, "Aww... I've never heard anyone actually say that outloud before"). I finally decided we needed to hang out outside of class, so when he was leaving an hour early one day to go to Round Table to hang out before his next class, I asked if I could tag along. We just played card games, but it turned out to be a lot of fun. I laughed harder than I had in over a year, and joking with him and teasing him was effortless. We just clicked. Near the very end of the semester, he asked me for my phone number and promptly started texting me. He told me I was beautiful frequently, asked me countless questions about myself and Phoebe (long before we started flirting I showed him pictures of her, so it was no secret I had a kid), and I also learned a lot about him. Actually, mostly I just learned that he's mysterious. Which is, of course, extremely intriguing. Anyway, the semester ended, and I was sad that nothing had progressed between us during class, but we continued to text one another and I knew we'd keep hanging out.

Finally one Sunday, I took him with me to the goth club I used to go to all the time. He met most of my friends, bought me drinks, even danced with me a little bit. We had a lot of interesting conversation, and after the club a few of us went to a couple of my friends' house. I got drunker, a little more touchy-feely, bit him a few times, and after a while I actually got up the nerve and kissed him. And we just made out the rest of the night. Unfortunately our mood was completely ruined by very... dirty things going on around us that neither of us were really comfortable with, but it was a good night. I visited him at work the next day, which wasn't terribly exciting, I admit, but it was just nice to sit and talk with him, even if we didn't have all that much to say.

Now, there are some things I'm going to omit, as they are very private, but he has surprised me with certain things he's into, and I'm just very interested to see how this relationship goes. We're not officially dating, but we hang out once in a while, and I love his kisses, so I'm okay with the situation as is at the moment. I don't know that I'm ready for a serious relationship still, considering I'm terrified of everyone and don't really trust anyone. In fact, for a while there I was seriously afraid that he was just fucking with me; that he was just going to lure me and ditch me when I was starting to trust him. I'm starting to get past that, but I'm still very, VERY wary. David was a good GOOD liar, and he pretended to be happy and content for a LONG time before he left. He also was really good at pretending to be the victim (of past girlfriends) and the "good guy" that would never hurt someone the way he hurt me. Obviously I'm going to be afraid. But he, Art, is making me happy at the moment, and I'll take it. I just won't be so naive, and I'll do my best not to get so attached I'll be almost completely destroyed like I was the last time if he decides I'm not worth it.

On a different note, after a long hiatus, I'm getting back into acting. I've auditioned for about 3 musicals, none of which I got into, but I have gotten into a few independent/short films. I filmed one over a month ago, as a lead, and have been waiting on the New Moon spoof I was cast in a month ago. I also just auditioned for a local film festival type thing called Trash Film Orgy and am going to be playing a small role in that this fall. It's going slow, but I'm building up my resume, and I plan to move to LA in the next couple of years. I'll be a successful actress one day, I promise.

Damn, I'm long-winded.